Codependency is the uncontrollable urge to focus on fixing the character flaws of others rather than acknowledging our own. All forms of codependency exhibit behaviors such as denial, deflection, and dishonesty with oneself and others. Denial serves as a blinding force that, while initially protecting us from facing unbearable pain, ultimately perpetuates our suffering and prevents healing. Deflection is a cunning and manipulative behavior that keeps us trapped in codependency. Such behavior is observed in individuals struggling with alcoholism, chemical addiction, or other dependencies. Oh, and you can be hit with a double whammy that you didn’t ask for, being both codependent and dependent. A person who deflects changes the subject of a conversation or situation to avoid addressing their problem, which is more likely to be far more serious than the subject they are deflecting from. Lastly, dishonesty underlies all these behaviors. When we cannot be honest with ourselves, we create fertile ground for codependency or dependency. Most people do not start out intending to be dishonest; we may consider ourselves honest until the pain becomes so overwhelming that we seek help. At this point, we begin to recognize our role in our misery, identify our motives, and engage in the transformative work necessary to achieve emotional health.
Understanding that emotional wellness is not a reflection of intelligence is crucial. While I may not have topped the IQ tests or conformed to traditional definitions of success, I had enough insight to acknowledge and accept that I had a problem that needed resolution. This realization has enabled me to lead a life of significance and serenity. Life still presents challenges, but I have learned the tools and skills to navigate them and continue to grow. You can, too!
I am not a counselor but a coach. My insights come not from medical training but from a lifetime of personal experience with the complex and generational issues related to alcoholism, addiction, and codependency that have impacted my family. I am fortunate that my pain became so great that I sought help decades ago. I have worked hard to remain emotionally free and healthy, and you can too. Don’t let the “what-ifs” and fear of the unknown hold you back any longer. You are not alone, friend. I’m here to walk this out with you.
Love,
Sheri Lea