Parents, give your children a voice, listen,
so they’ll know they matter, and when they’re grown, they’ll provide you with a voice and listen so that you know that you matter.
As parents, we often face challenges that hinder our ability to listen to our children. These challenges could be a lack of knowledge or skills, the presence of a dominant issue like alcoholism or addiction, a family member with chronic illness or special needs, or getting caught up in the busyness of life. In these situations, we may unintentionally deny our children the right to be heard.
Is it reasonable to expect our adult children to warmly embrace us when we, as parents, may have missed out on numerous opportunities to build a more healthy relationship with them as they were growing up?
No parent is perfect, and no child is perfect. While I admittedly missed out on opportune times to meet my children where they were for all of the above reasons, I know better now and do better. I also did far more right than wrong in parenting, but our brains are hard-wired to absorb the negative much easier and faster than the positive. Understanding also comes with maturity, so hope is far from over.
I have broken the generational cycle of parental ignorance, maybe not so much when my children were under my roof, but I’ve done the work and can be the best parent to my adult children, as they are ready to receive it. My care and love are as deep and meaningful as when they were youngsters. The difference is that I know now how to love in a healthy, God-honoring way. Sometimes, that means making hard calls, stepping away, and watching from a distance, all the while trusting that God is always working on my behalf and behalf of my children if I do my part, work on myself, and stay out of the way so God can work on my children. He’s good like that.
Love, Sheri Lea